Push vs Pull

Sometimes, our lives feel like a push.
Other times, we feel pulled. 
 
And if we’re not paying attention, the demands of the push – things like obligations, achieving, performing, fitting in, acting from scarcity, time constraints – can overwhelm our lives. Meanwhile, the pull – in this case what we’re drawn to or curious about, the tugs from our gut, movements toward pleasure, and what beckons us in quiet listening – can become a distant stranger.
 
Of course, at times, the push supports positive experiences and growth in many dimensions of our lives, including relationships, work, parenting, sports, projects, creative expression, and more.

And yet, it’s the pull that brings us closer to our truth. When we pay attention to what we’re drawn to, we know we’re getting closer to what brings us to life. And it’s not always aspirational, creative or cozy. Sometimes the pull feels difficult, scary, or even repulsive. Sometimes it’s an unhealthy compulsion that requires a deeper listening rather than immediate gratification. Whatever it is, what’s pulling you is worth your time and inquiry, if not your action.

Listen for the deepest pull of your longing. It might be your soul talking.

I recently took a big leap after a 4-year courtship with what’s been beckoning me professionally, working more with couples therapeutically as well as erotically. I followed the pull all the way to signing up for a 200+ hour certification in Relational Life Therapy (RLT) with teacher Terry Real. If you’re unfamiliar with this eco-centric relational approach, I highly suggest Terry’s latest book Us, available in audio or print. RLT has had an incredibly positive impact on my work and in my marriage and I’m excited to share it more broadly.

Now that I’ve said yes to the call, I anticipate engaging the push and becoming fully certified within 18 months. I’ve already completed Level 1 and feel some competency so if you’d like deeper support in your intimate relationships, reach out, I’m here for you.

How about you? What’s drawing you towards more of you? If you’re not sure, if your sense of wonder has gotten buried in the busyness, it makes sense and you’re far from alone. And, with a little attention, you’ll likely find it’s right there, waiting for you to notice it.  

Tips to find what pulls you

Take a few moments to get present in your body. Here, you’ll likely find signals towards your longing, which in this moment might be a simple as quenching your thirst with a glass of water.

A more cerebral approach is to write a list of things you love or want to try. Post it in a place you can see to spark your motivation to bring them to life.

Try engaging a walk like a wander, allowing your curiosity to guide your direction, pausing to take in whatever interests you. Can you let yourself talk to a flower or seek counsel in a tree if that’s what draws you?

If what calls you is often a habit or pattern that isn’t healthy for you, try contemplating the underlying need or desire it’s trying to meet and what a step towards that might look like.

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